Episode 190. A Beginner’s Guide to Menstrual Cycle Awareness (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Sophie: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we are training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sjanie, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, change makers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community, and the world. Hey there. How's it going? Welcome back to the Menstruality Podcast, or welcome if this is your first time listening.

So often when people first hear about menstrual cycle awareness, they [00:01:00] feel surprised or confused, or sometimes just baffled by the idea that there could be a connection between the menstrual cycle and our creativity and our power and our wisdom. And it's no surprise really given the current cultural attitudes around the menstrual cycle and menopause, which are just largely ignored and dismissed.

So today's episode is designed to both build a bridge for you if you are new to the practice, as well as offer a refresher for you if you've been tracking your cycle for years, and want to rediscover the fundamentals of tracking your menstrual cycle as your unique rhythm of power.

As you may know, Alexandra developed the early prototype of menstrual cycle awareness as she worked to heal her own menstrual pain over 40 years ago. The practice evolved over many years working with groups, and then Alexandra and Sjanie founded Red School to teach the practice and wrote about it in their book, Wild Power. And now they guide [00:02:00] thousands of students to deepen their practice through their Cycle Power course, as well as teaching next level evolutionary menstrual cycle awareness on their Menstruality Leadership Program.

One of my favourite bits of this conversation is when we explore some of the other aspects of yourself that you might want to pay attention to with your daily cycle check-ins, including your dreams, your habits, your sexual energy, and even the arguments that you tend to have at certain times of the cycle month.

So let's get started with a beginner's guide to menstrual cycle awareness with Alexandra and Sjanie.

Good morning, Alexandra Pope. Good morning, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer. It's great to be with you both. We normally start these conversations with a cycle check-in, but since this conversation's a bit different in that we are actually gonna take part of it to describe what a cycle check-in is. We're gonna do our cycle check-in a little bit [00:03:00] later. Do we all just wanna say what day we're on? I'm on day 27.

Sjanie: 22 for me.

Alexandra: Uh, it's about day 13 afternoon.

Sophie: Okay. So we'll share more about what that's meaning for each of us a little bit later. To kick us off with this conversation, Alexandra, I was wondering if you could share some of what's inspired us to have this conversation today.

Alexandra: Oh, yes, Sophie. It's pretty wild to speak about the menstrual cycle as a spiritual path and practice, you know, as a, something that can support us in our creativity and something that can be a self-care practice. I mean, we make very big statements about the menstrual cycle and menopause and for the majority of people it's completely incomprehensible, you know, and I totally get [00:04:00] where they're at. I can really feel it. It's like the menstrual cycle, you know? What can you say about the menstrual? I mean, it's just something we have to put up with if we wanna have children. Yeah. It's like, what are you on? What are you on. I can really get it and I can, when I'm talking with people about what I do now, 'cause I'm very bold, you know, I'll be in any kind of situation and I'll go, oh, I teach on the spiritual power and practice with the menstrual cycle and it goes down like a lead balloon sometimes.

Sjanie: This is in the like, uh, supermarket line or...

Alexandra: In all sorts of very ordinary situations. Now I don't pull my punches. I used to have to sort of massage it a bit, but I'm over that. So today we really want to bridge that gap between the, uh, you know, just so we gotta get through to, my God, you can [00:05:00] have cosmic experiences with the menstrual cycle and how do we, you know, cross that bridge. And it is in this magic phrase that Sjanie and I, um, came up with, which is menstrual cycle awareness, the practice of menstrual cycle awareness, which of course is what we're going to unpack today. Yes. I mean, now I'm just so excited to say all the wonderful things that that can do.

Sophie: Yeah. I mean, that's the key in the bridge, isn't it? I often have a similar experience when I tell people what I do. Oh, I host a podcast about the menstrual cycle and menopause. And the reactions vary from confusion to disgust as well, because there's a lot of taboo and shame around the menstrual cycle, but also there's a lot of suffering around the menstrual cycle. So today I'm hoping we can build a bridge between, okay, the menstrual cycle [00:06:00] is a beautiful spiritual path and practice, and the key is menstrual cycle awareness. And let's get into it.

Could we start by looking at what the difference is between menstrual cycle awareness and fertility awareness? 'Cause people might be more familiar with that.

Sjanie: Yeah. Actually, for anybody who has engaged with their menstrual cycle, it oftentimes has been through the practice of fertility awareness. And people come to that either because they're wanting to learn natural conception or they are wanting to avoid getting pregnant. So as a contraception practice, really, uh, brilliant, really, really brilliant practice. Alexandra, you started with fertility awareness, so maybe you should describe what fertility awareness is and how to do it.

Alexandra: Yes. It's, gosh, it's so yummy. I was remembering how yummy it was, knowing what my physical body was doing. It's the daily charting of the physical signs of your fertility — your fertile and not fertile phases of the cycle. So you notice your mucus, 'cause your mucus changes, your cervical mucus changes through the menstrual cycle month. And so you are charting the texture, the colour, the quality of that. The position of the cervix changes, and your temperature. You are noticing, you take your temperature each day, first thing in the morning before getting up, before moving, and your temperature will change as you come into the point of ovulation.

And it's so [00:08:00] magical when you know about these signs and signals to actually be able to clock that moment of ovulation. Apart from it being empowering in terms of, you know, just knowing when you're fertile and not fertile and taking — 'cause you know, I didn't want to have — I was doing it for contraception and making my sexual choices around that. It just felt so good. It just puts you in charge of your own fertility instead of outsourcing it to, wow, the pill, you know, which I was on for a brief while in my early twenties.

So there's that, that sense of empowerment. But there's also this inner feeling of yumminess I used to have with just knowing what my body was doing — the magic of my body. So learning about fertility awareness for me was one, empowering me around [00:09:00] contraception, but it was also giving me this feeling of being kind of inside my body, perhaps kind of in charge of my body in some ways.

Sjanie: Yeah, that's beautifully described, Alexandra. I've practiced fertility awareness for myself, not for contraception or conception purposes, but just really as a way of getting to know my body that intimately and deeply. And as we often say, fertility awareness builds body literacy, body knowledge, which is really the foundation for this practice of menstrual cycle awareness because very key to menstrual cycle awareness is knowing where you are in your cycle at any given time, and that's what fertility awareness gives you. It helps you to know what day of your cycle you're on, helps you know when you are ovulating, what your cycle length is, so when you will bleed. So you've got this lovely [00:10:00] kind of orienteering tool, which is very grounding, really, really grounding. So we highly recommend this for beginners, as a great way to start your practice.

So let's talk a little bit about menstrual cycle awareness 'cause with fertility awareness, you are really working with the physical signs and cues of your body. Whereas with menstrual cycle awareness, now you are starting to kind of look at the more subtle cues.

Sophie: Yeah.

Sjanie: How you are. How you shift psychologically, emotionally, how your behaviour changes, how your energy shifts through the menstrual month.

Sophie: Your spiritual process through the menstrual cycle, and how your needs change as well.

Sjanie: Absolutely. How your needs change. So it's really these kind of subtle aspects of your experience and how they [00:11:00] fluctuate, and importantly, how they create a repeating pattern through the menstrual month. So this practice of cycle awareness builds emotional literacy. So together, you know, we really think of these two practices as like sisters hand in hand. You've got your body literacy piece and your emotional literacy piece. That's a really powerful combination.

Sophie: Mm. And then the core practice is the cycle check-in. Daily or maybe multiple times a day. Check in with yourself about how you are on this particular cycle day. So we'll demo this in a moment, but can you walk us through what it is that we're checking in with and how this works?

Sjanie: Yeah. Um, I can do. So a cycle check-in — I mean, this is really a formal moment of practice. So I just wanna emphasize this is a practice [00:12:00] and practices all require kind of discipline and repetition. So a cycle check-in is something you're gonna do each and every day of your cycle. And it's a combination of knowing what day of your cycle you're on and then checking in on these different levels with yourself.

I'll give you some of the key markers that can really help with cycle — but maybe a good way to frame this core piece of the practice is that it's about a present moment connection with yourself. So it's really about this profound practice of listening to how you are in the moment. And to do that, you need to let go of [00:13:00] any idea of how you think you should be. And it's amazing how often we carry an agenda for how we should be on a certain day. You know, depending on what our day is demanding of us, we might be like, right, I need to be X, Y, or Z today in order to do what I have to do. So we're really dropping that idea of how we should be. And we're also dropping judgment of how we are. And we're also resisting the temptation to go into sort of story about what we notice about what we're experiencing.

So it's about coming into connection with yourself in the present moment. And a lot of spiritual practices have this at their core, right? So here you are, just taking a moment or few to—maybe you need to close your eyes to do this, maybe you do this sitting still. Perhaps you do this in movement with your eyes open or while you're
[00:14:00] walking.

But first, you're noticing the physical sensations. And actually, for a lot of people, this is really hard—I just want to say. So when I say physical sensations, I'm really talking about things like warmth in a certain part of your body, or a tightness, or a physical pain, or a heaviness or a numbness. So the physical sensations in your body—and actually that piece of a cycle check-in—really helps to anchor you in the present moment. It's very significant. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is your emotions—so how you're feeling. Happy, sad, lonely, tender.

And then your thoughts. And often
[00:15:00] this is, for most of us, the loudest thing—and equally the thing we are the least conscious of, which is kind of funny, right?

So here with your thoughts, you're actually almost taking a little like broader perspective on your thoughts and looking at your mental state. So kind of the nature of your thinking. For example, is your mind very dreamy today? Or are you having really deep thoughts? Or is your mind very flighty and all over the place? Is it really fast and racing, or really kind of slow? Maybe your mind is very outward focused, or perhaps your mind is very focused on yourself—your own inner experience. So it's kind of looking at the state of your mind and the kind of
[00:16:00] quality of your thoughts. And also, maybe any repeating thoughts would be worth noticing there as well.

And then the fourth thing is your energy—your energy levels. So do you have a lot of energy or a little energy? But also, like, how is energy moving through you? Do you feel like your energy is expanding or is it contracting? Does it feel like it's moving quickly or slowly? Perhaps it’s sort of sluggish, static, or maybe it’s really fast moving.

So you’re just feeling into the kind of energetic experience you're having. And as I name these four things—and by the way, there are lots of other things you can pay attention to on your cycle day, and we can talk more about that later—but these are really like four good little markers that dock you into yourself
[00:17:00] to begin with.

I realize everyone is going to have strengths in different areas. For some people, your physical sensations will be easy to be aware of, and you might find it harder to notice how you feel. For others, the kind of energetic layer of your experience will be very present for you—and for others, you won't really know how to sense that. But regardless, I would do the inquiry, because it’s through the practice that you begin to develop this awareness at these different levels of your own being.

Sophie:
Yeah. I love how you emphasize that this is a practice. I felt a fire alight in me when you said that because we are swimming upstream here. We’ve been conditioned to show up for others, or to be a good girl—or especially as women, you know?

And I just—it’s such a radical act. To know, actually: How am I? How am I feeling? How are my thoughts? It’s a beautiful, radical
[00:18:00] form of activism, really.

Well, shall we demo it? Do you have anything to add before we do, Alexandra?

Alexandra:
No, let’s go in and do it. I think Sjanie described it beautifully, and especially emphasizing starting with the physical—you know, that’s such a great place to begin. What are the sensations I’m noticing in me, in my physical body?

Sophie:
Well, I can kick us off on my day 27. So physically, I'm feeling quite heavy. My legs feel heavy. There's a kind of drawing down feeling in the lower half of my body. I can feel I’m preparing to bleed because I know this—but that's also a story that I’m holding. I loved what you named, Sjanie, about—we are not looking at the shoulds, we’re not looking at the judgments, and we’re not looking at the stories. That was fantastic.

Emotionally, I feel very tender—very connected to the world. There’s also a feeling behind my eyes of softness, and almost tears that could come
[00:19:00] at the beauty of the world and the suffering in the world.

Mentally, my thoughts are very floaty, like clouds moving around in my mind, and I'm needing to really concentrate to be able to have this conversation.

And energy-wise, my energy is fairly low. I'm not going to go for a 10-mile run anytime soon. I feel like I need to keep things pretty chill today, because my energy’s quite low.

Sjanie:
Beautiful. Shall I go next?

Sophie:
Yeah.

Sjanie:
All right. So, being true to what I’ve just said—I’m going to, because I’ve already done a check-in with myself this morning—but I’m going to do it right now, in this moment. So I’m day 22.

And my body is really heavy and thick, and there's a lot of
[00:20:00] physical pain in my body—particularly in my right arm. And I notice a sort of choked sensation in my throat.

Which brings me to my feeling landscape, which I can feel there—I feel very emotional. And, um, like I could cry. Just a river of tears. My heart's very kind of tender.

And mentally, my mind’s like trying to stay on top of everything. Like, know what’s going on. And manage. Organize. My mind is working so hard.

Sophie (2):
Hmm.

Sjanie:
And yeah, energy-wise, I am tired. I'm so tired. Like, my energy is
[00:21:00] dropping. And, um, yeah, my energy feels thin.

And I'm going to bring in a fun little piece here, for people who like to play—because this is coming to me—which is: once you’ve done these four levels of check-in, you might want to ask yourself, what metaphor captures your experience?

I’m having one come to me in the moment, which I’ll share. I don’t know why I’m laughing—it’s not funny.

So the way I feel today is like... an open wound that is kind of laid on the sidewalk. And my mind is like the policeman standing in front of this crime scene, in front of this open wound—trying to tell everyone coming by:

“Nothing to see here! Business as usual. Just keep going. Nothing to see. Nothing to see.”

Sophie (2):
That is potent.

Sjanie: Funny.
‍
Sophie: Funny—if you're not me! Can I play that game too? Because if I were something, I’d be a really overripe fruit, like a pear that’s fallen off the tree, plumped on the ground, and just starting to become a bit alcoholic, you know?

Sjanie: Yeah, I love that image—and the kind of alchemical nature of that... death process.

Sophie: Yeah, you're right. That is a really fun, playful way to describe it. That is really fun. How about you, Alexandra?

Alexandra: We should include this in the cycle check-in: "What’s the state of my sense of humour today?"
Yeah, probably intact, given where I’m at. It’s more complicated—you know, it's not black and white—because I don't have a menstrual cycle anymore. I don't have that deep, embodied experience being organized by it, which is so... you know, I’m outside of that now. So there’s a lot more... evenness, shall we say. And frankly, my energy and mood are affected by how well I slept last night.

Interestingly, I do chart with the moon. It’s much more subtle. There aren't particular days that stand out like they do with the menstrual cycle. When you’ve been doing cycle check-ins for a few months, you start to notice: the same day has the same kind of experience. Not every day, but certain days.

With the moon, charting feels more general—like a number of days that have a certain quality, in relationship with the moon. I am affected by the moon. Less so in terms of physical energy—though there’s some of that—but more to do with… well, sleep is the dominant factor.

Anyway, it's coming up to the full moon, and physically, I’m feeling quite chilled, good in my body—fairly resourced, actually. I want to get on with things. I’ve got so many brilliant ideas—I just want to tick things off. Emotionally, that’s what I need today to feel good. I feel a certain bluntness in me. Like, you probably don’t want to come to me for sympathy today. The womb has noted: "Get over yourselves, girls—time to get down to business!"

Sophie: If you were something, you'd be a to-do list and a pencil.

Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Sophie: It’s beautiful to hear you both. Something I’m really noticing is your lack of judgment about your states. And that’s something you pulled out at the beginning, Sjanie—that what we’re trying to do here is simply see how we’re feeling without judging. Which, in the world we live in… whoa. That’s a radical, rebellious act.

There are a couple of questions that came in from our community that I’d love to bring in here.

One’s from Tamara. She says:
"To me, the question 'How am I feeling?' was—and still is—the most difficult one. How can I taste my inner atmosphere when there’s so much going on around me? What is mine and what is responsive? And what can I do when there’s just no feeling to catch or no answer coming?"

Sjanie: Mmm, that is a very, very good question.

Part of me wants to answer it just by repeating this: It’s the act of listening to oneself that’s significant here. Whether it’s easy or hard to do—that’s worth noticing. That’s part of listening to yourself: noticing that it’s hard to be in touch with how you're feeling today.

So really, just hold to this idea that a cycle check-in is, at its heart, about listening to how you are—and noticing how easy or not easy that is. I think that’s really helpful.

And as for this thing about “what’s mine and what’s the world’s”…
The thing I love about the menstrual cycle is that it’s the stress-sensitive system in the body. It gives us feedback—about how we are, personally, but also about the state of the world. It’s both. It tunes us into a broader kind of knowing. So personally, I don’t feel there’s a need to separate what’s mine and what’s not mine. What feels important is to notice what I’m noticing—to observe what I’m experiencing. That might be in response to the world, and it’s certainly shaped by where I am in my cycle.

And I hope those four categories we mentioned earlier help too—to give different access points. Because it’s not just about emotional feeling—you can check in at different levels of your being.

And actually, in a moment, we can talk about some other things to look out for. Alexandra, did you have anything to add?

Alexandra: I really love what you said, Sjanie—about listening to yourself and how well you can do that. Because I know, for me, there are days where connecting with how I’m feeling in the moment takes effort. It’s hard to just be and listen. And that’s information.

For me, when I notice that, I realize: I’m actually struggling to connect with myself. I wouldn’t speak for anyone else, but for me, it’s a sign I’m stressed. That it’s just revealing that to me in this moment.

I think it’s so good that you crystallised it like that, Sjanie: just notice your capacity to notice yourself.

Sjanie: Mmhmm. And so, Tamara, it would actually be really interesting to track this across your menstrual month—notice which days you find it easier to feel how you are, and which days you find it harder. That would be very rich self-knowledge.

Alexandra: That makes me laugh, Sjanie, because it’s so true.

Sophie: So true.

Alexandra: So true! With the moon cycle for me, too. Like, today I’m not that interested in checking in with myself—I just want to get things done! But if you spoke to me just before the dark of the moon? Oh whoa. I’d be swimming in something very delicious.

Sjanie: Yes! There are definitely days of my cycle where I’m just like, “Fine.” One-word answer. Nothing else to report.

Alexandra: Yep. It’s so good—it’s making me laugh.

Sophie: OK, the second question that feels relevant here is from Becca. She says:
"Your cycle check-in, Sjanie, as part of the Cycle Power course, has been really helpful and a practical tool to help me with this. Yet I still really struggle to connect and hear and deeply listen to how my body is. Listening to my emotions and mental state—I don’t find so difficult. So any further tips or advice on how to connect with my body and really hear her, and what she needs, would be so helpful."

Sjanie: Yeah, this is a really, really good question.

So—we’re talking here about interoception: our ability to sense and feel our physiological experience—our sensory experience of ourselves. And it is a skill. It really is. So the repeated paying attention to your physical body each day, as part of your cycle awareness practice, will help you build this skill.

That’s the first thing to know.

And hopefully the suggestions I gave earlier—like noticing weight, temperature, pain or no pain—help give you cues for what to look for, and how to start noticing.

But I also want to say: there are so many brilliant practices out there that help you develop somatic awareness. So if this is something you personally struggle with, I really encourage you to seek out those practices—they will deepen and complement your menstrual cycle awareness beautifully.

For me, Movement Medicine has been a profound practice. It’s a form of dance—but it’s dance with awareness, where you’re paying attention to your physicality as you move. That’s helped me develop this skill.

But yoga can help too. And actually—I want to say something about physical exercise in general. The more you use and move your body, the more you're able to feel and engage with it.

So I would encourage you—whether it’s walking or stretching—to bring mindful attention to any movement you do. That really helps develop the skill.

Sometimes, when I sit down to do a cycle check-in, I actually have to move my body in order to feel it. The movement and the sensation it creates draws my attention inward. So that’s something you might try—doing your cycle check-ins in movement.

Sophie: Hey, I'm gonna pause our conversation for a few moments to share a couple of invitations with you.

Firstly, if you'd like a copy of our Red School Menstrual Cycle Tracking chart, you can download your own free copy at [00:34:00] redschool.net/chart.

And if you'd like to create a more meaningful menstrual cycle awareness practice, or recommit to your existing practice, or simply be immersed in a cycle-aware community as you deepen your connection to your cycle and how you ebb and flow throughout the menstrual month, Alexandra and Sjanie warmly welcome you to join them on their Cycle Power course. You can find out about it at redschool.net/cyclepower.

And here's some feedback from Pippa, who recently completed the course. She says:

"I thought the course was very thorough and a great length of time to fully immerse in study of the menstrual cycle. I had high expectations of it because I follow your work.
And of course, it did not disappoint.
Above all, the most powerful thing was being held and supported in this deeper dive by beautiful like-minded women. And being given permission to really lean into my cyclical nature and what I need to thrive.
It was a wonderful space to find [00:35:00] myself in.
You'll never regret carving out the time to know yourself and your cycle better. It's such an investment in yourself, which is the greatest act of self-love. I'm so glad I did it."

Okay, so we've noticed the core things to track. There are also other things that we can be tracking with a cycle check-in.

Alexandra: Yes, we can indeed. And, uh, um, the thing that leaps out at me, because it was so vivid for me — dreams.
Dreams. It's so wonderful to pay attention to the dreams you're having through the whole cycle month and, um, to, uh, just note those dreams, because you may start to notice a pattern — certain dreams, types of dreams that turn up at certain times of the month — [00:36:00] and, um, can just bring another rich layer of insight into your emotional, spiritual, even wellbeing.

Um, it always used to amuse me that in my premenstrual phase, the fricking mafia turned up.
I have dealt with the mafia in every single disguise in my premenstrual phase, trying to outwit them — extraordinary.
This Mafia Chiefs thing that happened, that was a particular one that used to stand out, and something I really tracked and worked with actually, as part of my sort of emotional developmental process, if you like.

Yeah. So, um, it just brings another layer of depth and richness and [00:37:00] insight to who you are.
I've just told everyone now I've got an inner mafia going on. Yeah.

Sophie: Well, we know you can outwit anyone, really?

Alexandra: Uh, yeah, actually they did turn up recently. I haven't— and they don’t, they don’t really bother me in menopause, but I did get one not so long ago. I had to outwit.

Sophie: That's nice.
The mafia don’t bother you in your dreams in menopause anymore.

I had a really integrative dream last night where a figure from my past arrived and I held space — I held my power — in the face of him in a way I never did back then. And it was a beautiful experience of claiming my power and claiming who I am in the world.
I thank you, dreaming self, for doing that work for me at night. I appreciate that. Wow.

Sjanie: Yes, because I feel like charting our dreams when we're practicing cycle awareness gives us insight into how our psyche is shifting and the kinds of power that we're accessing, or the patterns of power that we're negotiating.

You know, [00:38:00] Alexandra and the mafia, and you in this kind of claiming of your own power in the face of that — oh, that's beautiful, Sophie.

Okay, what else? Dreams? Yeah, I think, um— so, you know, there's this formal cycle check-in, which you can do at the beginning of the day or really at any moment in the day.

But it's also really good just to pay attention throughout the day to your kind of mood and tendencies, um, to be just practicing this awareness of yourself throughout the day. And in a way, kind of collating that information.

So noticing what your tendencies and habits are — you know, is today the kind of day where, uh, you just try and fit in, like, one more task?
You know, it’s just— you're just gonna always do that. Go that extra mile, do that extra thing.
Or is today the day where you're more likely to take a longer lunch break, uh, or take longer to get—

Sophie: —outta bed in the morning? [00:39:00]
Um, or is today the day when you're really gonna notice that someone didn't replace the toilet roll on the toilet roll holder again?

Alexandra: Okay. Exactly, exactly. Absolutely those—

Sophie: —days.

Alexandra: Whereas there are days where you might not notice and just, like, mindlessly put another one on like you always do.

Sjanie: That is such a good example. And actually, it's those little quirky things that are so interesting to notice. The truth is, when you're practicing menstrual cycle awareness, you can track any aspect of your experience — from health symptoms to how your relationship with your partner shifts over the menstrual month.

And you'll find, more often than not, there's a cyclical pattern that underlies these things. I think this is the revelation of cycle awareness. You can track whatever is most interesting to you, and then notice if there’s a cyclical component to it. In my experience, there usually is.

Sophie: Yeah, it can take a few months to see it — which is why it’s a practice, and why it takes some discipline at the beginning.

Sjanie: Yes, this is the important bit. We’re talking about a daily check-in. You do it every day, and over time you accumulate this embodied knowledge — a body of knowledge about yourself. It’s self-knowledge that grows, because you begin to see that you have a unique pattern, what we call your rhythm of power — a pattern shaped by your own unique menstrual cycle.

It’s really powerful to know yourself in this way.

Alexandra: It’s amazing when you mentioned relationships — really noticing how your sexual energy shifts through the month, or when arguments tend to happen. The classic time, of course, is in the premenstruum.

Oh! And I remember that deep loneliness that would arrive just before bleeding — that feeling was so distinctive. But then it would transform. These very distinctive things become illuminated.

And I just loved what you said, Sjanie, about being lowered into the body. I can’t remember exactly how you said it, but that image — it’s like these cycle check-ins are slowly lowering you into yourself. Month by month, you begin to inhabit yourself more and more, through this simple process of: How’s my body today? What’s my energy? What am I feeling right now?

Sophie: Mm, and when you say “lowering into yourself,” which I really get, having done this practice for many years now — what are we lowering ourselves into ourselves from?

Alexandra: Good question, Sophie. What immediately came to mind was: from my head into my heart. From my head — where all the shoulds and oughts and agendas live. Where the push is. That’s where my tendencies come from — my drive, which is both my strength and my undoing. Ambition and drive — oof, double trouble.

And when it’s just my head, and not my heart involved, I’ll run myself into the ground. I lose myself completely. I just end up feeling empty — not at peace with myself.

So yes, it’s this journey from the head into the heart. And what does that mean? It means moving into greater connection with who I actually am — my actual feelings, my actual needs. Those shoulds and oughts can’t live in the heart. When the heart opens more and more, the shoulds and oughts just die. They can’t survive there — there’s nothing to fuel them.

Sjanie: That was very beautifully described, Alexandra — especially that phrase, “moving from inside who we are.”

That really reminds me of the cooperation we can cultivate with ourselves — this incredible kindness and allowing of how we are. And in terms of menstrual cycle awareness, that’s the next significant piece.

Because when we cooperate with and allow how we are, we receive profound physical, emotional, and spiritual support. Really profound support.

Just like denying our cyclical nature — like ignoring the day/night rhythm — negatively affects our health, denying the rhythm of the menstrual cycle, this infradian rhythm, causes stress, disruption, disharmony.

And just as true: when we cooperate with it, we find ourselves held by this incredibly intelligent resource.

This is the second key piece of the practice: not just noticing how you are, but responding to that. It’s one thing to feel how you are — but then what do you do with that information?

Can you find some small way to honor it? To respect how you are?

Because what often happens is: you notice you're tired — and then you judge yourself. Or you feel introverted or unsocial — and you judge yourself.

But instead of judging yourself, you could give yourself permission to rest. And it can be in a small, doable way. Maybe you go to bed a little earlier. Maybe you’re lucky enough to lie down for 15 minutes. Or maybe you cancel or postpone social plans because you’re feeling introverted.

That’s the kind of cooperating we’re talking about — rather than bullying yourself into being a different way, you create space for how you are and support that.

Sophie: Do you know what that’s looked like for me? I’m a very highly sensitive, very introverted person — and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to the toilet in a social situation, not because I needed to, but because I was in a certain phase of my cycle and I just needed to breathe for five minutes.

Then I’d adjust and come back out into the social situation.

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Sjanie: Yeah. Really good example. And so sometimes it’s big things you do, but sometimes it’s just how you adjust your behavior. So let’s say you’re feeling quite introverted, um, but you do have a social event—rather than forcing yourself to talk and be out there, you let people come to you and you spend more time listening and you say less, you know? It’s those little kind of subtle things.
Or maybe if you are meeting with friends, you choose to meet in a quieter place 'cause you’re feeling more sensitive that day. So it can be these subtle adjustments that ultimately go a long way to kind of responding to how you are.

Alexandra: I… I just want to come in here and just sort of pause and drink in what’s been said.
This is, for me, the epicenter of the power of this menstrual cycle awareness work. This cooperating with the place you are in. It is such a radical act. I almost wanted to weep when you spoke those words, Sjanie. And then you said that magic word: kindness.
Because the moment you stop judging it and just go, “Jesus, all I want to do is curl up today, yet I’ve gotta go out and do blah blah blah”… and you just let that be. Yes, you’ve still got to go out and do blah blah blah—but suddenly, you’ve shifted something within your being.
Just by letting that being go, yeah, this is who I am today. I feel very tender and interior… and you just make that right, rather than wrong.

And it’s that incredible act of recognition. That’s an act of kindness.
And that is another nail in the coffin of that shame piece that we’re all shadow boxing.

And here’s the really daring bit: to really trust.
Yeah, I’m just going to do my best. I’m going to go out and care for this as best I can 'cause I’ve still gotta go to work and blah blah blah. But you have shifted the axis of yourself in the most profound way.
And I just know you will hold yourself differently at work today.
You will spontaneously find yourself doing things subtly differently.
And you may surprise yourself with the kind of insight or intelligence that you bring because of the place you are in.
I cannot emphasize this enough.

Sjanie: Yeah. Really, really good, Alexandra.
I’m just appreciating how, you know, you spoke about this as a shift from the mind into the heart, body, into our felt sense.

And oftentimes, when we’re judging our experience and we’re not cooperating with our mood and energy, it kind of keeps us stuck in a sort of perpetual… um… hamster wheel, I want to say.
And we often fear that what we’re experiencing is going to be permanent.
But what cycle awareness does, through these kind of day-by-day check-ins with yourself and responding… day by day, we notice that when we allow ourselves to be how we are, actually, the cycle naturally shifts us.
It naturally moves us on.

So we become carried by our cycle instead of fighting against it.
Let me give an example of this that I think a lot of people could relate to.

If you feel tired before bleeding—which is actually to be expected, because our energy is at its lowest at that point in the cycle—if you allow yourself to rest when you feel that tiredness, rather than pushing yourself or judging yourself…
When you then rest and let go, as your bleed begins, surrender happens.
And because surrender happens, renewal naturally follows.

Just like a good night’s sleep brings a renewal of energy the next day, the cycle—if you trust it and lean into it—it naturally moves you on.
It naturally restores you.

So you start to build a trust in that. And a trust in how you’re feeling.
And that is no small thing. It’s no small thing to trust what you’re feeling as being—

Sophie: —meaningful.
Yeah. One of the things that you often teach that I think really supports this trust is the 1% teaching.
Because I can hear myself and other listeners saying, “Okay, I would love to be able to rest, but the truth is, I’ve got X, Y, and Z to do.”

But if we can find the 1% way of resting—whether that looks like what I’m going to do tonight, which is put Artie in front of a screen while I make dinner (’cause it’s going to be more restful for me)… even though I don’t love doing that a lot—it’s just finding the 1%.
And then that 1% will create the 1% shift. And slowly over time, that can grow.

So it feels really important to bring that in.
We’re not talking about massive changes—we’re talking about little shifts that can make all the difference when they accumulate over time.

Alexandra: The act of simply being able to be aware of what you are—of what you’re feeling…
So sometimes, in that moment just before bleed, where that tiredness comes, we don’t have the space or feel the permission, actually, to stop.
We resist it and push on—and that will then just deplete us more.

But just simply being able to do your cycle check-in and notice:
“Jeez, the energy banks are empty today.” Poof.

And to not make that wrong—that is a 1% shift.
To have that awareness and let yourself have the awareness, even as, yes, you’ve still got to make dinner tonight and get your child to bed, Sophie…

You are inside yourself, rather than outside yourself in your head, you know?

Sophie: Pushing. Yeah.

Okay, great. So we are wanting to do this practice of a daily cycle check-in, and slowly over time, to see the patterns that emerge.
And there are ways of harvesting these patterns, or understanding these patterns.
So the way we chart can really help us here.

So can we look at practically how to chart and track the cycle—some different ways and approaches for that?

Sjanie: Yeah.
What’s great about doing this every day is, as you said, there’s a pattern that emerges.
And this pattern is giving you insight into yourself—into your feelings, your needs (that’s really important), your strengths and vulnerabilities at different times in the cycle.

So you’re getting this incredible self-knowledge about who you are and how you change through the menstrual month.
And that then allows you to have this like personal weather forecast system, where you actually know, “Alright, in this phase of my cycle, this is what my inner weather is like. These are my strengths, these are my vulnerabilities.”

So how can I prepare for that? Like, what’s the best weather gear for me at this point in my cycle?

But you need to be actually recording your experience over time to start to get that kind of information.
And start to have that kind of knowledge where you can begin to plan your life according to your cycle more—which is one of the great gifts of practicing cycle awareness.

So—gosh—yes, there are so many ways that you could do this piece of actual charting.
And in a way, everyone has to find what works for them.

But maybe I’ll say what the kind of key things are to chart, and then we can look at some of the different ways people go about this.

So you’ve got your practice of listening and responding to yourself.
And what you want to write down is:

• what your cycle day is
• and then anything that really feels important or stands out to you from your check-in

That could be what you’ve noticed about how you are, but also what you’re needing, or what kinds of behaviours have happened—really whatever captures your attention about that cycle day.

And we suggest that you find a few words to sort of distill the day so that you’ve got some kind of shorthand way of looking back at your month and getting an overview of the dominant mood or energy.

If you’re somebody who likes to write, you might want to do a more lengthy written cycle check-in, but at the end, pull out a few key words for your overall mood, energy, etc.
You could also capture the essence of your day through some sort of shape, or colour, or quick illustration or a symbol—something you can easily look back on.

I heard recently someone was using emojis—a different emoji for each cycle day—which I thought was genius.
Ultimately, what you want is a way to see the whole month at a glance, where you can see the cycle there, your cycle length, and quickly look at how things are shifting and changing.

Sophie: The thing that really helped me for the first 13 months that I did—’cause I committed to 13 months—was the Red School cycle chart that’s like a pie divided into 30 different slices.
And I had 13 of these by the end of the 13 months, and I could flick through them and see the words that reoccurred.
Basically, it was like day 22 to 24, “angry” was the core pattern that I saw at first.

And it changed my life. It changed my life.
I could cry—seeing how cyclical that was.

So that was one way.

And then another way I’ve heard is people just do it on a piece of paper, but they put the day on the piece of paper, and then they can gather all the pieces of paper together.
And they have like 10 day ones, 10 day twos, 10 day threes—and they can track it that way.
That can be really helpful too.

Sjanie: Yeah, oh, it’s so fun. I love hearing how people do it — everyone seems to develop their own methods. But actually, if anyone wants a copy of that chart, that’s something we could put in the show notes. So for people who want an at-a-glance chart for tracking each cycle day and seeing that over time...

Sophie: Yeah, there are so many different ways. We actually have a blog about different ways to chart the cycle, so I’ll put a link to that in the show notes at redschool.net/podcast as well. Um, and what about if your cycle is really irregular? With charting, how can you approach that?

Alexandra: Well, you approach it exactly the same way we’ve been speaking about through this whole conversation. You just chart the cycle you are having. Because it’s irregular, that might mean you go 40 days or even longer before you get a bleed. It’s going to be much harder to see any kind of pattern. However, the act of doing it anyway — bringing connection — is bringing you into yourself more and more. So the more you inhabit yourself, as I said earlier, the more you’re actually going to get insight about yourself and your needs. Sometimes, there might even be a kind of regularity within your irregular cycle. But what’s important here is your act of awareness, your consciousness of yourself — that is medicinal in and of itself. So yes, just keep doing it. I believe we actually have a whole podcast on irregular cycles too, so we can put that in the show notes.

Sophie: Yeah, I’ll put a big list. We also have other episodes about different menstrual health challenges that you might be facing, so I’ll point to lots of different resources in the show notes. Wow, I feel like we’ve covered so much — what menstrual cycle awareness is, how to practice a check-in, what we’re really tracking and noting, how to chart it all down. It’s been such a rich conversation. If anyone has questions, we’d love to do another episode with everyone’s questions about these foundations of menstrual cycle awareness. So please email them to sophie@redschool.net and we can weave them in. Or you can always come and join our community hub on Circle — I’ll drop a link in the show notes there for you to come and join the community.

Do you have any closing words about the power or magic of this practice?

Alexandra: Menstrual cycle awareness is this magnificent royal route back home to yourself, to your embodiment in who you are. It’s a process, I believe, of dismantling shame slowly over time.

Sjanie: Yeah, I really love the simplicity of menstrual cycle awareness. It’s something you can do even when you’re busy or regardless of what’s going on in your life. But even in its simplicity and incredible accessibility, it packs a punch like nothing else. I know the implications and impact on who you are, on your relationships, and on your communities — it’s so profound. So I really want to encourage anyone listening who isn’t yet doing a daily cycle check-in to begin today. And on the days you forget, don’t worry — maybe note that you’ve forgotten, then wake up the next day and come again.

Sophie: Wow, I left this episode feeling really inspired to deepen my own practice of daily cycle check-ins — to really get into how I’m feeling physically, what’s going on emotionally, what’s going on mentally. I hope it’s inspired you as well. As I mentioned, we’d love to hear your questions about your practice so we can dive into them in a part two episode. Please message them to me at sophie@redschool.net.

A reminder that you can download a free copy of the Red School menstrual chart at redschool.net/chart. And that’s it for this week. I’ll be with you again next week, and until then, keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.

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