Note: Before we start, it’s important to note that I’m (Alexandra) not a professional health practitioner, so I can't give you advice. This article is designed to share my personal experience and some applied cycle awareness teachings to help you if you’re struggling with pain and need support right now.
My menstrual cycle and my menopause process were profound healing allies for me. And my connection to my cyclical nature is the key reason I’m enjoying excellent health in my seventies. It honestly feels like a miracle, given that my 20s and 30s were taken over by chronic fatigue, allergies and autoimmune challenges.
On top of that, around my 31st birthday, my menstrual pain began. And although it was excruciating (for a number of years) I am grateful for it, because the pain called me into a new relationship with my body, and called me home to the power of my cycle.
Here are some of the approaches that helped me to heal. We’ve shared them with thousands of students who have also found their way to new ways to manage pain, and in some case, have healed their pain completely.
One: honour the bigger context
Perhaps because of my therapeutic background, I always had a sense that my menstrual pain wasn’t just about me, but was part of a collective phenomenon. My pain was bigger than me. I remember one key moment when a (male) herbalist told me that I was in pain because I was suppressing The Feminine in me. I wanted to punch his lights out! I thought “pretty much the whole f’ing planet suppresses The Feminine!”.
I’ve come to see that those of us that experience chronic health problems, especially connected to the cycle and menopause are the metaphorical canaries in the coal mine, revealing the impacts of the imbalances in our world, born from patriarchal, capitalist, coloniser cultures that have denied The Feminine for millennia. This isn’t personal, folks.
Two: follow your body
The next step was to stay close to myself. To turn towards my body, towards my pain (not easy at all) and endeavour to listen my body, and trust that it was communicating with me.
The more I did this, the more trust I developed. Trust that something meaningful was at work, even in this pain. Trust to hold myself in there and to risk meeting the intensity of the pain, to risk meeting the reality of what is in the moment. I held onto that Trust for dear life, and what happened next is really what has birthed Red School and everything we now teach.
Three: make space for menstruation
The more I listened and trusted my body, the more my body told me to give space to menstruation, so that I could really travel with the pain. It was a radical and intense process. There were many times where my boyfriend would be holding me while I literally screamed with the pain, almost like it was trying to give birth. Over time I learned how to go into the epicenter of the pain and it unleashed something inside me.
As a psychotherapist I had some flexibility with my work schedule, but I want to share an idea for how you too can make space for your bleed, even if your schedule is fixed, or you’re in the midst of the incessant work of care-giving. Start small. That’s the only way for many of us. Find your way to get 1% more menstrual rest. We share more ideas in this podcast: How to Get More Menstrual and Menopause Rest
Four: practice menstrual cycle awareness
When you listen for your needs and how to respond to them in each phase of the cycle, you’re pacing your nature and your nervous system, and this naturally reduces chronic stress in your system, which is one of the major causes of chronic pain. This alone can heal the less intense forms of menstrual pain - we hear this from students regularly.
Cycle awareness also naturally builds the self esteem we need to claim our needs - it’s a way to slowly and steadily reclaim our power and agency in a world which has long denied women’s expression.
If you’d like help to deepen your cycle awareness practice, please come and join our Cycle Power course and community here >>
