Women live in a sea of criticism today, with all of society’s exhortations about how we’re ‘supposed’ to be. When we’re unconscious of that, our inner critic feeds off this cesspool of ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’.
This can create an inner toxicity – in particular, feelings of shame and self-loathing. The inner critic doesn’t notice or name our achievements, and unless we can do that for ourselves, as a counterbalance to the negatives, we can end up feeling completely paralysed.
Superficially, the critic attempts to keep us safe. Generally it does this by keeping us small, and toeing the party line. Should we decide to stick our heads above the parapet of normal consensus reality and follow our own unique, original impulses, the critic can be triggered ever more strongly. In fact, it’s often a sure sign you’re on to something significant and true to you when your critic suddenly goes into overdrive.
The good new is that practicing menstrual cycle awareness, you can work with this self-critical energy in a way which can both create ease, and help you receive the potent truth-telling which we can often find at the heart of the criticism. Here are some ideas for how to work with self-criticism in each cycle phase…
Tending to Your Vulnerability in Inner Spring
In the inner spring of your menstrual journey you set off full of innocence, optimism and possibility. But for all the promise and possibility, you and your ideas are still vulnerable, and not ready for too much exposure or criticism. More growing time is needed.
If you’re mindful of this vulnerability, and honouring the energy and the inner spring, you’ll find that your critic has little purchase. However, it can be hard to stay fully present to this phase, especially if you’ve suffered any kind of struggle or violation in your adolescent years. Your critic can easily invade and undermine an already tender self.
It’s not unlike a bad frost killing off the tender new shoots of spring. While we may not be able to control the weather, we can, with time, learn to meet the chill wind of our critic and redirect it away from these tender parts, where it does not belong.
Show and Express Yourself in Inner Summer
At this point in the cycle you’re generally at the peak of your vitality. The activity and exuberance of this phase – and the natural self-confidence that accompanies it – can act as a brake to any negativity. You’re probably at your least sensitive now, and therefore less permeable to your inner critic. Your job is to get on with business, show yourself to the world and make real some of your ideas and ambitions.
In fact, it’s crucial you do this in preparation for meeting your inner critic, in your inner autumn. If the critic does manage to wangle its way in and trample on your flourishing ideas, your natural flow may be interrupted, leaving you feeling paralysed, uncertain or lost.
You could also find yourself having an attack of shame, instead of enjoying the natural free expression of your summer. If you don’t utilize this season’s gift – for example, if you’re unable to honour and crack on with what’s important to you – you’ll hear about it from your critic in the premenstruum.
Listen to the Inner Critic in Inner Autumn
Your inner autumn is the critic’s true moment in the sun: this is its natural home and time to shine. Now it’s actually time to listen up. The more you hear the critic and make a choice to address the issues that emerge each month, the more you begin to respect this figure. And the more wisdom, self-respect and inner strength you can harness from your encounters with it.
The critic comes through more strongly now because of your increased permeability, and because it’s your critic’s time. But as you face your critic month after month with increased awareness and equanimity – holding the full complexity of feeling and energy – you’ll be given the ‘keys’ to the Queendom of your holy sovereignty: the utter bliss of being you.
Receive an Affirmation of Your Being in Inner Winter
The more you meet the critic in your inner autumn, the more it can run its course and leave you free to enter unencumbered into menstruation. When you get a good dose of menstruation’s blessings, your being is primed to meet the critic next time round in its creative, life-evolving role.
The release and grounding, the protective bubble of menstruation, and the wash of love also keep the critical energies at bay. And the more you’re able to give yourself permission to let go, the more you can feel the soothing balm of menstruation repairing any wounding that has resulted from the self-criticism.
Join us to explore the power of the menstrual cycle to support our leadership in every aspect of our lives.
We imagine you have a sense of just how impactful menstrual cycle awareness and navigating menopause consciously can be, so you might be interested to explore the connection between the menstrual cycle and leadership. If so, you may feel pulled to take a look at our next Menstruality Leadership Programme here.
